The final rant

I may regret this later.

I have practical at 8am later and i'm actually spending time doing this.. Ranting. Or maybe complaining. It may one day be used as a 'screenshot' to accuse me or to point out things against me. But i still wanna do this. Why? Because the number one thing i hate the most is when people push the blame on me. If its my fault. I will apologise. But if its not, then you better apologise to me.

I always know i'm super sarcastic and guailan all the time. But when you are my friend, i'm loyal and i try to help in  any ways i can. Even my closet friend or family dare not to do what you'd done to me that day...

Pissing me off with words, even after i warned you to stop.. Asked you to go away, but you clung on to my arms and insulted me. (or my fats. LOL) Gave you the cold stare and yet you continued to step on my nerves all over again. And when i broke, you then immediately apologised and said it was for fun. Seriously? You think by making fun of me you're keeping who entertained? And the whole day, i did not even have the freedom to speak whatever i want, shop whatever i want too. I dare not to look at things more than 3 seconds cause you will be like "i can help you ask jermyn to buy you this" You said you only said about the bag. Are you sure? While i was looking at watches too. You at least said that 3 times or more. You said you're just joking.

But the thing is that are different occasions (at least 3 different occasions), you kept on mentioning stuff that contains the idea ''I'm a gold digger/It's okay to spend jermyn's money''. Initially, I was hurt by the comment. I meant i spoke to jermyn and also huiling. Asking them what had i done that my own friend wanna say this to me. Or why is she thinking i'm this kind of person. I meant TBH, it's every girls' dream to marry into a rich family and become some taitai that play majiong everyday. I may not be rich, but i do have something called 'principle'. My parents brought me and my siblings up, teaching us to be independent and work for ourselves. This is what i always abide by. I may not be a saint, but i try to learn from one. No one's perfect. I made mistakes. Many of them. I had my 'growing-up' stage why i tried and done things that are well, really wrong. But i changed. I learnt from my mistakes and i swore to myself that i will never ever step near them anymore. I don't use guy's money. I love the feeling of earning and supporting myself. Buying things with my own money. I don't go for branded stuff, the only 'branded' thing that i was ever hooked on was CHARLES AND KEITH. And guess what? I don't even have the member card. LOL. WTF. And on a side note, i didn't even touch majiong before. Don't even know if it's spelt correctly.

I don't gamble, i don't go for branded or designer's and i hate receiving presents. TBH, i don't know how to react when people give me stuff and when people are nice to me. It felt weird. I'm not used to receiving such things since i'm the one who was always giving. So yeah.

I don't think you know me well enough. I'm not like any other girls, i think and act and behave like a GUY. I'm never gentle and i'm straightforward. I dislike people way easier than liking someone. That's why i have more guy or gayfriends (OPS! :D ) then girlfriends. When i'm uncool about something with someone, i take the following precautions;
1. Fake a smile
2. Black Face
3. Ignore (blocking you on whatsapp, so i can have time to cool down)
4. Start posting statements about the incident (without putting up names)
5. Lastly, when i explode, i will be super sarcastic and guailan to the person.
6. Break all relationship with he/her.
You managed to experience all the six steps within a week.

You said I'm a;
1. Backstabber
   Apparently, discusssing with the involved party (cindy and sinyee + J) was called backstabbing. I did not make up untrue facts of you. I only told them what happened between us and why did i start disliking you. I only said what i knew. I even told them not to take a side. Just don't let us meet up for the time being. The things you did/does/assumed to have done was way passed my acceptable levels. And i hate this KIND of person. Not you. I thought, maybe you are my friend, i just need time to adapt. I did tried to settle things peacefully by
     (a) Avoiding you, cause i know myself. I cannot control my temper well. I will lash out on you.
     (b) Asking cindy to explain things to you nicely.
     (c) Asking sinyee to ask you out for a talk. And i even told them that they have to be around, cause i'm afraid i might be too harsh and you might breakdown and such.
     (d) Not posting too much info on FB (including your name and screenshots. They are too underhand), but sorry, i still need a place for me to rant lo :/
     (e) I don't drag unnessary parties in. I meant hello? I can fend for myself as well as how a guy can la. Why would i need extra help sia.
    No one know what i know, including sinyee and cindy. What i told them is just a 'need-to-know' basis. ME and J know way more things. But we just shut our mouths. I meant, what you choose to do have nothing to do with us?

2. Actress
    So... I have no awards that i can earn and stuff and i 'acted' so much for? I truly cared for you.
- I volunteered to help you settle things that are bothering you.
- I skipped school on that Monday just to accompany you and have a small drink and some talk after the incident btw you and john and family stuff.
- I check in on you, asking where are you, what you doing and stuff
I meant, for people who knows me, i only do all of this to a friend. To someone i truly cares about.

3. Gold digger
   As explained earlier on and on FB. Adding to that, the first promise i told jermyn to make was to never ever buy things, esp branded bags, for me. I told him that i rather he save the money for his future use, and to spend on his wife/family and stuff. And he being the sweetest, said, i may be his family one day. But i told him, it doesn't mean he can buy me things ya know. The only thing he ever spent on me is FOOD. He and his evil motive! hahaha <3

4. Cunning bitch
   You said i used you as a tool. I meant are you a sissors or a hammer? Why would i need you. You don't know what's going on between me and jermyn (which i will describe later on and stuff), so please stop assuming things? I did what other rich ex before, but never once i ask them to buy me stuff. Get your facts right.

5. Bully
   Oh well. I always get that since i'm a head taller and a size bigger than other girls. But hey, don't discriminate fat or tall people leh :( You said you can't tolerate me anymore. But seriously, is you tolerate me more or i tolerate you (because of that day) more? how did i bully you? I need you to explain this part. If you said i was harsh with words and super sarcastic, then it just meant that you didn't even know me at all. And trust me, you wanna say me bullying people... you just don't know how bad it can get.

6. Evil person
   Yeah, i'm no saint. I meant, i did/do things that are, well, wrong. I might also need your help to define this part. I don't know how you wanna expose my evilness when i'm already a devil to begin with. And what evil things what i done you?

7. Loser/Hamji
    Ehhh, i never loose in a bitch fight before. The worst conclusion was like 'draw'. I dare not to meet you? haha. Joke. It's just because i don't think there's a need to already. I mean, since you decided to assume more things and did more stuff behind my enormous back.. Then theres no point already leh.

8. Lousy friend?
    Define how do you deem a friend as lousy. I'm those kind of person that stands up for others and 'fly over asap after a text/call' kind of person. I tried to help, no matter in lending a helping hand, an ear, or money. I tried every means that i can to help.

And if you would kindly refer to our text messages...

I was pissed and sincere in explaining things to you and i even told you to meet me up and stuff. (btw, i already told you i disagree with cindy's definition of flying kites as manipulating guys) Then i decided that you're/we're not worth my/our time already, i said its okay and i told you bye. Lastly, when you start insulting me, i decided to retaliate by being SUPER GUAILAN and agreeing in whatever you said about me by being even MORE GUAILAN.

I meant, if you wanna post screenshots, you should post up the whole conversation. I meant why will i even say things like those (in the 2 screenshots) if you hadn't said something related to the topic, before? You also left out the parts where you insulted me and start calling me titles that i never did/was/am. And posting screenshots are so uncool. And especially one sided conver of only mine shown. What are you trying to prove? I just need 5 minutes to upload the whole conver up, but why didn't i? Cause i respect you. I respect the things we shared over it. I may have shown to 10 or more of my closet friends, but only on how 'guailan' i was only. It's like an entertainment to us. LOL. And tell you what, they don't really even care. Cause we have a life, we have things much more impt to do. You said i say things that are untrue about you.. Can you also kindly explain that part? The sa**y part, i may have details that i didn't know la. So it's my fault k? I hereby apologise to you. But why did i told sinyee and cindy those? It was partly a moment of foolishness+anger and most imptly, that was one of the reasons on why i dislike you. You said i need to meet and scold you and then another moment, you said i'm a loser and i dont dare to meet you. So what am i? A loser that loves to scold behind your back? I meant like seriously? I did not mentioned about you over the weekends. You can ask sinyee and cindy that. I already on the point of 'giving up on saving this friendship'. I also said that i had things to show you.. It's basically just one of your friend came accusing us, the giant bully couple, for making you cry and stuff. But oh well, its already too insignificant to be mentioned. So whatever!

Okay.. so now. What exactly i am unhappy about you.

1. That day la. You super guailan lo. Dk for fuck i tahan you till at night. LOL
2. Your princess attitude. You admitted this yourself k. It was clearly shown when we were ordering food. It's like a -zi-car store leh. You compromise and try to order food that suit most of the people. I even take the initiative to ask you to order whatever you want. But what did i get? A black face from you.
3. I kept on advising and telling you, to the point where i force you to promise me not to do a certain thing. As that certain thing will hurt you. (It's like telling a kid to go A and yet he decided to go B. And then whatever i said not to, he just does it on/not on purpose.) You behave like that lo. To the point where it's so irritating till i decided not to help anymore (which is like after that day)
4. The way you say things. The things you said to me, don't know on purpose or not, it hurt my feelings.Like esp gold digger part. And the part where you told me ''i only go for designer clothes'' WAHHH FACEPALMED. And the thing is that you tend to carry the wrong idea across when you say certain things. (Things that i don't wanna mention here okay. It's what you told about you and your ex)
5. You put words in my mouth. (the manipulate part and the part where you said i go around telling ppl this stuff etc)

Okay, if these are not enough, then treat me as a petty person. You don't need a reason to love or to hate someone. And saying about love, i wanna thank you for allowing me to meet him. And i wanna talk about my lover boy now, jermyn.

You told me (bad) things about him and yet i hadn't notice any of it of him. But actually i noticed it on you la, TBH. I don't care what happened in the past, i mean, everything happens for a reason right? And i have no fucking rights to say anything about it since it's his fault (from what you told me and from what you are trying to prove) I was not jealous of him loving you for fucking 2 years. I was actually GLAD. Because, this 2 years made him realise how awesome i am. LOL. Btw, he loves my bhbness, guailaness and straightforward personality. OH, even my FATS. WTH?

We fell in love. Not only because i'm the one who helped him moved on. It's because i understood him. I understand him to a level where it's more than anyone does (he said it, not me) I was really sincere in helping him. I'm always sincere in helping people. I don't do things that i'm forced to do. well, mostly that is. I cared for him sincerely, i joked with him, i spent time speaking to and guiding him down the right path. You think it's easy to do it? NO. I was struggling to tell him using the right words, not to hurt his feelings and at the same time, ensuring that i don't hurt yours too. I was having trouble telling him some things because.. I was also recovering from a heartbreak. (oh btw, did you even know about this?) So, i was mending a broken heart with my own broken one. And somehow, we helped mend each other's. We are happy together. We laughed, joked and talk like siblings, like BFFs. The day when we met up, he actually told me he felt a connection with me. He told me things (on that day) that i never expect to know or expect him to say it to what? Someone you know for only 7 days? I actually dared him not to fall for me. Because, i was actually afraid that i might, for him. But like he always say, 'the future is uncertain and blah blah blah' we eventually got together.

And the first thing i told him to promise was to not get me any presents. Then the next is to take care of himself, for me. And also i told him i only want to spend time with him and i want us to remain this happy, forever. Or as long as we can manage. You were happy for us. Remember? But TBH, now.. I don't know you are happy cause you got rid of him or ya know, some other reasons... #Just saying

He's the first person i ever met that made me feel right. I meant, even with him, i'm always very guailan and stuff. I'm very frank too, i told him that i hate to wear dresses and i just told him all my bad habits and bad points la. I tease him like how i tease any of my close friends. When i'm with him, i feel right. Because, i'm myself. I don't have to act all lady-like(pui) and 'fake' ya know. Going out with him is like going out with any of my closet friends. Free and Easy. And i actually showed him my bare face on the day we are suppose to celeb our 1st month. LOL. He loved everything of me that i hate about myself. He love things about me that people hate. He may not be the 'ideal guy' that i pictured over the years.. But, he's perfect to me. I even met his family when we were only tgt for 2 weeks. And i'm the first girl he officially brought home, he's the first boy i'm officially bringing home. We are what? Only 19 and 20, but we already have thoughts of getting engaged and stuff like that. We didn't even have to change anything for one another. When he's down/sick/sad, i'm like super worried. I literally felt my heart cringe and i wanted to go to him very badly, even when i'm busy/sick/tired. I cried over small insignificant things about him, acting like a girl and someone i'm not (WTF) My life evolves around him now. Every week i will be looking forward to book out day and dreading book in day. He just became a part of me unknowingly. And i always tell him that, if he ever not love me anymore, please tell it in my face and i will not even ask him to stay but just to let him go. I never say such things to a guy before, i never ever. I said things to him that i never told others. It.. just feels right.

He's the right one for me, i know it, my mum knows it, my heart told me so, my ass tell me that too. But of course idk if it's vice versa. (RIGHT DARLING? AWWWWW :p) But, i'm willing to give it a try, give us a chance. After today, I will not care what other people think of me, think of us. It's not important anymore.


We decided to have you out of our lives. Since.. Last last week? I forgot. Please respect our decision. We are gonna be eternally grateful to you as because of you, we'd met. But please stop ruining our lives. TYVM. And i'm sorry for being harsh on you. It's who i am and ya know, i tend not to use my brain when i'm angry.



P.s I think i might have missed out some things, but it's freaking 2.40am already, so yeah. Please forgive my english and typo and probably bullshits. And i love you, Jermyn Eng Jie Ming. Happy 1st monthsary! And to the many more months and years to go (: